


Being Blue is Better

by Brosequartz



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: But the focus is on Jack and Ana's guilty feelings about what happened to him, Gen, Post-Fall of Overwatch, They love him and they blame themselves, You could probably read this as Jack/Gabe or Ana/Gabe if you wanted to, and they take some time to talk it out with each other, old soldiers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-21 04:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14908646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brosequartz/pseuds/Brosequartz
Summary: Jack has joined Ana in her stakeout at the Necropolis, and they are now working together to try and find the whole story of what happened to Gabriel Reyes. They they take some time one night to talk about their feelings of guilt and love for him.Takes place shortly after the events of the Old Soldiers comic. I recommend you read that first if you haven’t before. Check it out here: https://comic.playoverwatch.com/en-us/ana-old-soldiers





	Being Blue is Better

Ana looked up from the rifle she was cleaning when she heard Jack stand up and walk out the empty doorway of the necropolis into the warm night air. Puzzled, she put the gun down and stood to follow him.

“Jack?” she called, seeing him head across the courtyard. He didn’t turn his head towards her voice as he disappeared around one of the great stone pillars. So she followed, wending her way through the crumbling stone monuments and the palm trees that had long ago made space for themselves between the ancient paving stones.

She found him sitting against a low stone wall near the cliff’s edge, gazing out at the glittering city in the distance. “What’s the matter, Jack?” she asked, sitting down on the ground beside him with a little grunt.

He sighed. “Same thing as usual. Gab-”

“Oh for heaven’s sake, Jack,” she interrupted, “when are you going to pick yourself up off the ground so we can focus on finding out what really happened to him?”

He sighed again, running his hands through his hair before grasping it and hanging his head. “Damn it Ana, can’t you just let me be sad? Can’t you let me wallow for a while? I only just found out he’s even still alive, that he got turned into…” he trailed off.

“You’ve been practically sighing instead of breathing lately, Jack.” Ana replied, her voice softer than before. “It’s one thing to be sad, and another thing to let it drown you.”

“I just… I feel like being sad about it is better than being over it.” He took his hands out of his hair, and smoothed it back. “I feel like getting over it… would be even worse than this. Like some kind of betrayal. It would be unforgivably selfish.” He buried his face in his hands with another sigh. “It’s my fault, you know it is.” 

Ana just looked at him, her face screwed up in pain.

“You’re not disagreeing,” he said, words muffled by his palms.

Ana said nothing for a long moment. “No,” she replied, “I’m not.” 

“I can’t forgive myself now,” he said.

“What do you mean by that?” she asked, “Why is now different from before?”

“Maybe if he was dead, forgiving myself would be something I could do someday.” His voice was heavy. “But if he’s alive, and he hasn’t forgiven me, then forgiving myself wouldn’t be some big act of self-acceptance. It would just make me an asshole.” 

She snorted. “Like you aren’t one anyways.”

“Come on, Ana,” he said, picking his face up out of his hands to glare at her. “Think about it. What if someone did something to you, and you didn’t forgive them, and then years later you found out they forgave themself? Wouldn’t you be angry?”

She didn’t respond.

“You’d think they were a selfish asshole, wouldn’t you?”

After a thoughtful pause, she replied, “I think I see what you mean.”

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, just watching the airships flying in and out of the city. They were sleek, modern, gleaming blue in the moonlight as they sailed over the empty desert below them.

“He hasn’t forgiven me either, you know.” Ana said.

Jack turned his head toward her. “It wasn’t your fault, Ana.”

“He blames me for taking your side.”

“My side…” He looked back out across the desert again. “I don’t have a side.”

“It’s just like you to say that,” she scoffed, “but you know what he meant.”

“Yeah,” he admitted. He turned his head away from her, looking over at the towering stone tomb at the edge of the courtyard. The crumbling stone looked somehow stabler in the moonlight, despite the centuries it had stood against the wind. Not looking back, he said, “Still, there was nothing you could have done to stop it.”

Ana replied, “I could have been there for him more. He got… distant, at the end. Cagey. I asked him what was wrong a couple of times, but he brushed me off.” Her voice wavered. “I should have pushed harder.” She tilted her head up, a pained expression on her face, to gaze at the stars.

“And then what?” Jack asked, “You’d have put a stop to Dr. O'Deorain’s research yourself? I’m the only one who could have done that. And I turned a blind eye, for the sake of plausible deniability.”

“The two of you agreed on that,” she pointed out, still looking up at the sky. 

He sighed, and rubbed the back of his neck. “We shouldn’t have.”

“And you’re going to keep beating yourself up for it?” She turned toward him again. The look on her face was pained, not angry. “The better part of a decade later?”

“I don’t know if I’d call this the better part of the last decade,” he said.

Ana laughed. “Maybe you’re right. But you’ll get nowhere by feeling sorry for yourself.”

“I’m not feeling sorry for myself,” he protested.

“You sound like a child, Jack.”

“I’m sorry for all the things I did that led to this. I’m sorry I stood by and let that evil woman turn Gabriel into a monster. I’m sorry I did everything by the book when it wasn’t working.” He looked at her defiantly. “That’s what I’m sorry for. Not myself.” 

Ana huffed, and sat back. “Anything you’re not sorry for, while you’re wallowing in all that?”

“I’m not sorry for all the times I took the fall for him,” Jack replied, his voice steady. Ana’s breath caught in her throat, caught off guard by the serious answer.

She took a deep breath, sorrow etched in every line on her face. “You love him, after all. So do I.”

“We’re gonna get to the bottom of this, Ana. We’re going to get the whole story.” He got to his feet in a swift, fluid motion belying his age. “Let’s go back in and take another look at that map.”

“Actually, Jack…” Ana said, not getting up. He looked down at her, puzzled. She gave him a sad smile. “I’m going to sit out here a bit longer.”

He paused, and sat back down, wordlessly. 

“Sorry I made you sad,” he said after a minute of silence. 

“Maybe you’re right, and being sad is better than self-forgiveness,” she said dryly, “So really, I owe you one.” 

He heaved a drawn-out sigh, and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m glad you’re still your old self after all this time, Ana.” 

“Our old selves are gone, Jack. We’re ghosts now,” she said, drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them, “all three of us.”

Silence stretched out between them again for a long moment.

“We’re never really going to get him back,” she said quietly, her gaze distant. “We missed our chance.” 

Jack rested his head in his hands. “I know,” he murmured.

“I miss him,” said Ana, softly. 

“So do I,” said Jack, “more than anything.”

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't update my mcgenji fic this week because I was working on this. I'm really proud of it though, and hopefully I'll have that fic's next chapter up soon :)


End file.
